Becoming Begins the Moment You Start Practicing
As you start changing your habits, people notice, and not in the way you might expect. When it’s your family or friends, they may suddenly feel like you’re becoming someone you’re not, or that you’re trying to be “better than everyone else.” The whispering begins. The sideways comments. The subtle resistance, and sometimes the unintentional sabotage.
Do not allow anyone to pick a fight to ruin your peace or to validate that you’re still the same “old” you. Occasionally, people get it wrong. Becoming doesn’t mean you lose your ability to stand your ground or stand up for yourself. It means you’re choosing peace over an argument. It means you’re mindfully asking yourself, “Is this situation or person worth my energy?”
If the answer is yes, stand your ground. Becoming doesn’t mean you have to ignore everything. It means you decide what gets your energy. It also doesn’t mean you won’t dwell while holding yourself accountable. There will be times when you want to say something because “Who do they think they are?” but becoming is asking yourself, “Do they deserve my time and my mental and emotional energy?”
When you give someone your energy, you are giving them your time, and time is a gift we all run out of. Don’t waste it on nonsense.
I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t frustrating. Change is uncomfortable for you and for everyone around you. When your patterns shift, the people in your life have to shift too. When you start expecting something different from yourself, it unintentionally requires others to show up differently for you as well. That alone can feel exhausting. It’s one thing to fight your own internal resistance; it’s another to feel resistance from the people who are supposed to support and uplift you. The truth is, your change is forcing them to show up differently, and they may not have signed up for personal growth.
Try not to get too discouraged by those who are adjusting. But also learn to recognize when you’ve outgrown relationships that no longer support your path forward.
What most people don’t tell you is that the path forward often becomes very lonely. Becoming doesn’t mean your family and friends suddenly jump on board and decide to grow with you. They usually don’t. Most people are set in their ways. They talk about wanting change, but when it comes down to effort, it’s hard. It takes practice, patience, and persistence. That is why you’ll hear people say someone else needs to change. It’s easier if they don’t have to do the work, so they make someone else the problem.
Becoming is built on daily micro habits that hold you accountable to the person you’re trying to become. It’s mindfulness and noticing your patterns. It’s creating new habits that bring balance, for example, writing, the gym, reading, rest. It’s correcting old thought patterns and holding yourself accountable on hard days. It’s understanding that the path is not linear and there will be bumps along the way.
I’ve wondered whether the Becoming Series needs more, another phase, another step, another layer. But I don’t think it does, not right now.
This is the part where you take action. Where you get honest with yourself. Where you hold yourself accountable.
Cancel the noise. Let go of the people, places, and things that keep you repeating patterns that no longer serve your growth.
You will move through filler friendships and filler relationships, but consider them practice. They’re not a waste of time. They’re small tests to see whether you can quickly release new noise once you realize the connection isn’t aligned with who you’re becoming. These moments help you stay true to yourself and to the life you’re building.
When you hold firm boundaries and practice growth daily, you’ll discover that quality matters more than quantity. You’ll learn that being alone is not the same as being lonely. And eventually, when you reach a place of peace, you’ll have the space and grace to let the right people in, even if those people are imperfect, just like you.
You’ll be able to show up as your true self. And you’ll allow others to do the same.
As I move forward, I’ll be shifting away from the Becoming Series. I’ll share more of my abstract thoughts, poetry, and the things I ponder throughout the week. Buckle up, my mind is a wild one. And while this series is ending, the reflections will continue. I’ll still offer questions and perspectives to help you consider how your view of the world shapes your thoughts, your patterns, and your becoming…
This is not the end of the work. It’s the beginning of you doing it on your own.
But anyway,
Cara